Journal Entry #01: Becoming Me Again
Date: Sat, Jul 25
Today felt different. For the first time in a while, I felt like things were beginning to move forward instead of standing still. One of the biggest surprises today was getting a new iPhone. Even better, I didn't have to give up my old one. There's something comforting about knowing I can keep it. It's another small piece of my past that doesn't have to disappear just because something new came along.
I've also been thinking a lot about my birthday. September 25th is getting closer, and I've already got a few things planned. I'm getting a flannel jacket. Black hair dye. Black fingerless gloves. And a brand new acoustic guitar.
None of these things are just random gifts. To me, they represent something bigger. A return to a version of myself that I left behind.
There was a time when I looked rebellious. Dark clothes. Black hair. A guitar in my hands. I eventually threw that style away for different reasons, but lately I've realized I miss it. Not because I want to pretend to be someone else... But because it genuinely felt like me.
Maybe growing up isn't about leaving every old version of yourself behind. Maybe it's about realizing which parts of yourself were always real. The flannel. The gloves. The black hair. The guitar. They're reminders of the person I still want to be.
The acoustic guitar is the part I'm looking forward to the most. I've been thinking about songs I want to write. Songs inspired by memories. By people I've met. By loss. By hope. By everything that's happened over the years. Music has always been one of the easiest ways for me to say things I can't always explain out loud.
Maybe this birthday isn't just about getting new things. Maybe it's about becoming comfortable being myself again. Not the version other people expected. Just... Me.
— Dess